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How To Shower Like a Woman:


1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper

according to lights and darks.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressinggown.

3. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

4. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to

do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

5. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long

loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

6.Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added


7.Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

8.Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with

real passion fruit.

9. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes

until red.

10. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

11. Rinse conditioner off hair.

12. Shave armpits and legs.

13. Turn off shower.

14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

15. Spray mold spots with Tilex.

16. Get out of shower and stand on bathmat.

17. Dry with towel the size of a small country.

18. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

19. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

20. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.


How To Shower Like a Man:


1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave

them in a pile.

2. Walk naked to the bathroom.

3. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the "woo-woo"


4. Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

5. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.

6. Get in the shower Wash your face. Wash your armpits.

7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

8. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

11. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee.

12. Rinse off and get out of shower. Avoid bathmat.

13. Dry off forearms and butt only.

14. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the

whole time.

15. Admire wiener size in mirror again. Shake it to watch water fly off.

16. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

17. Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

18. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the "woo-woo" sound again.

19. Throw wet towel on bed.

20. If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind

this, there is something so seriously wrong with you.

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How To Shower Like a Man:


8. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.


11. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee.

After farting, enjoy the fumes.. Should drink water while peeing and then laugh to self about the idea of "in one end and out the other"...


In all seriousness though, I'm anal when it comes to taking a shower. At least when it comes to the floor. I absolutely HATE a wet floor, so I tend to take a used towel (ie, been washed and then used), toss it onto the floor, and grab a new towel for drying off with. That way when I step out of the shower, the floor stays dry. There's a good reason I hate a wet floor too. When I go to do my 'business', I drop my pants, so if the floor is wet, my pants become wet, which then gets my tail wet when I pull them back up. If other guys are able to use the throne while the floor is wet near them, then they obviously don't bother pulling their pants down for the brown stuff.

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