jasminespice Posted July 5, 2003 Report Share Posted July 5, 2003 That was a very sad story. It is hard to move on to new relationships when our hearts are still full of feelings and memories of someone we cared about so much. In time the feelings get put in a place where you don't dwell on them but they never go away. Once in a while they surface when you smell a certain fragrance or hear a certain song which really makes moving on harder. Everytime I think i am over a certain someone, something happens and the sadness and lonliness surface again and I wonder if it will ever stop. I find it so ironic that you can't "force" someone to love you, but you have to "force" your heart to stop loving them. Somehow, I think that is messed up. It is like dieting... it was easy to gain the weight, but very hard to take it off. Everyone has to have at least one broken heart so they will appreciate the one who will eventually be the "one". :8-P: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monopolized Posted July 5, 2003 Author Report Share Posted July 5, 2003 I've talked to her a bit since my last post. She had said something about a painting she was searching for. Without a word, I set out to find it. Approximately two months roll by and I had found the owner of this painting. Yay..*grin* There are certain reasons I did this for her. First of all, to let it be known I'm serious and determined. Secondly, to let it be known I'm here if she needs me. Sure, I had motives pertaining to a relationship status...but I also know that will take time - time I just so happen to have. She ends up giving me thanks for helping and such. I told her you're welcome and that was that - nothing more. A few days roll by and I'm minding my own business when she contacts me. "I need the following information and I was hoping you could get it for me", she says, "Before you ask, I'm asking for your help for two reasons: 1. The more people searching for the painting, the more valuable it is. 2. I'm trying to determine if you're actually trying to help or meet your own ends." At this point in time, that's about as far as it's gone seeing as how the contacts I have about this painting are on vacation and will not be back until July 20th. Apparently, it's a holiday in Denmark. *shrug* I know my heart is broken. I debated whether or not I should just go ahead and have an emotionless relationship with someone thinking maybe that would help me. However, I keep thinking about my last relationship. We both tried so very hard to make it serious and it just wasn't there. The same would apply to any relationship based on rebound. I can't decide whether I've shut my emotions off completely, I'm just not attracted to anyone...excluding the lust factor, or she's the one. I'm always looking and thinking...I'm not numb. But nothing seems to compare to her. She's extremely unique. Therefore, I know I'll never meet anyone like her. I tend to believe the only reason it bothers me as much as it does is the fact I, along with our friends, know I love her very much and vice versa. However, she won't hear of it. She's being hard-headed. Oh, well. I suppose only time will tell... style_emoticons/default/popc1.gif Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie Posted July 7, 2003 Report Share Posted July 7, 2003 Maybe she said that wanting to make sure that you won't expect to "get some" as payment. I say to help her out, because then you never know, even if you don't get her, you might meet someone through her that you get with, and she would be able to speak highly of you. style_emoticons/default/smile.gif Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monopolized Posted July 8, 2003 Author Report Share Posted July 8, 2003 I'm thinking I'll help her as I have...with no motive. I've not once spoken about "us" or any such things. Grant you, that's what I want and I'll go to the ends of the earth for it. However, I know she needs time and I'm willing to wait. That's not to say it's not driving me up the wall, though. Once she has this painting in her possession, I still will not speak of "us". However, I will try my best to become closer to her...as friends. I think that's the best way to go at this point. She has told me, however, why she's so very hesitant. I won't go INTO details about the past but I will say she thinks I'm full of bull. Grant you, I know I'm very sarcastic and I'm the type you have to read between the lines, I've never fed her bull. She's cautious, though, in case I decide to albeit I don't plan on doing so. So, that's it for now...until the 20th... style_emoticons/default/popc1.gif Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie Posted July 8, 2003 Report Share Posted July 8, 2003 Whenever someone does a 'favor' for someone else, there is always a motive behind being helpful. ie, perhaps the person you are helping works at a place where they can provide you with goods that is usually off limits to the general public, or has access to information, resources, etc, or you just want to be liked. As for "pay the piper" type of motive, I'd believe that you aren't pressing for anything. Because that would only discourager her FROM coming to you in the future and ruin hopes of her opening up to you and to chances of being with you. But I think you will admit that your motive for helping her is that, over time, she will ultimately consider you as more than a friend. style_emoticons/default/smile.gif Nothing wrong with it, in fact, I'd say it's a great way to attract someone affections, because she will talk to you more, grow more comfortable, and if she decides to try things, she will lean towards you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monopolized Posted July 8, 2003 Author Report Share Posted July 8, 2003 I agree with you and I certainly hope this works. *grin* She's the strong, silent type - showing emotions isn't her thing. I do know, however, she thinks about me. Like I've said, when I first contacted her, she showed up out of the blue where we used to always hang out, never said a word but let it be known to me that she was there. She invited me to hang out with her, etc. This all was after I wrote this huge love letter to her (not my idea...but I did it). So, we were hanging out one evening. I don't watch much television, however her and Tara were watching American Idol. She insisted I watch it with them. There was one girl on there that was kinda cute and I made the comment "She has nice...jeans." Later on, she came to talk to me and a friend of mine showed up. Grant you, the girl wanted something with me but I wasn't interested. I think Shere took it the wrong way. Since then, she's been distant. I think that's where most the bull comments came from. That's when I decided to help her with this painting. Now, she knows I visit her website and it's mainly about frothings and such - like a journal. Shortly after, she had written one that was clearly about me. It was nothing terribly bad, though. So, I know she thinks about me but won't admit it. I think I already have a foot in the door and it will be extremely impressive when I get this painting in her possession. You're absolutely right about the motive bit as well. I'm not looking for physical anything...I just want a shot in the long run. style_emoticons/default/popc1.gif Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie Posted July 8, 2003 Report Share Posted July 8, 2003 Ever thought to call her up and see if she "needs a ride"? style_emoticons/default/smile.gif Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monopolized Posted July 9, 2003 Author Report Share Posted July 9, 2003 I don't think right now is the time to be hanging out. Talking...sure, that's fine...but going out and doing things, I just think she needs to learn to trust me first - to know she's just not another notch on the belt. Back when we first met, I had I lot of...potentials...hanging all over me. I know that sounds conceited but, honestly, that's putting it midly. That's how it was when she saw that girl come up to me not too long ago - like a flashback. She should know better than to think she's one of them and I think she does but she's being cautious. That's another reason for the bull comments. I never advanced anything with her. As a matter of fact, I didn't know she thought of us as a relationship simply because we never had that talk about being together. I was too scared I'd shun her if I brought the subject up. Therefore, we'd spend late nights just talking politics, laughing at ignorant people, and consulting each other. Sure, there were passes made on both parts but it's just like with Sara...I thought nothing of them. Of course, I knew she was falling for me but I didn't know if she was ready to admit it or not. I got the answer to that question too late.. ...and I'm sure you'd like to know...I'm going to Sara's house tomorrow. You ask about her a lot. So, I just thought I'd let you know. style_emoticons/default/popc1.gif Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie Posted July 9, 2003 Report Share Posted July 9, 2003 Score score score score score... Oh sorry. style_emoticons/default/smile.gif Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monopolized Posted July 9, 2003 Author Report Share Posted July 9, 2003 lol I dread it, actually. I know it will uprise some feelings and I really don't want to go through that...especially right now. It confuses the heck out of me, with Shere and all but I got invited. Here's what'll happen: I SHOW up and such. I'm formal with her as to avoid flirting, and old feelings. She calls me later on because I was formal with her...it gives me butterflies in my stomach. lol I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place...but I'm used to it. style_emoticons/default/popc1.gif Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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