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R.I.P. KiKi


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I will never forget her. I was shocked when I heard the news. She has gone to a better place now.


I just listened to "I Can Only Imagine" by Mercy Me. It basically brought me to tears, and that's not an easy thing to do. I dedicate that song to her.


Mercy Me - I Can Only Imagine


I can only imagine

What it will be like

When I walk

By your side


I can only imagine

What my eyes will see

When your face

Is before me

I can only imagine



Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel

Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still

Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall

Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all

I can only imagine


I can only imagine

When that day comes

And I find myself

Standing in the Son


I can only imagine

When all I will do

Is forever

Forever worship You

I can only imagine




I can only imagine [x2]


I can only imagine

When all I will do

Is forever, forever worship you

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Alright, I want to copy something that I wrote about KiKi that took me over an hour to write for me breaking into tears the whole time.


Here it is:


This morning I woke up and found out that a dear, old friend that I have had for years has passed away. I don't even know where to begin here...


For starters, her name was Alana. She was 24; just short of her 25th birthday on November 29th. She had been suffering from Crohns Disease for all too long now. One of the more serious cases of Crohns disease. She had Chrohns ever since she was 15 years old. She was in constant pain and agony 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Her pain never got any better. It kept getting worse and worse. She basically lived in the hospital, having operation after operation downing countless pills and medications in the process.


For the past few months now, I have deliberately ignored her for stupid reasons, since I ignored her for some time, I haven't talked to her nor did I have a chance to say goodbye to her. That whole fact there just makes me utterly sick.


In many ways, she was like the sister I never had. The big sister I never had. From the time I first started talking to her up until a couple months ago, she has given me so much advice. Good advice. In some ways, I have her to be thankful for where I am today. She was a good mother to her son, too. She had so much love to give and so much she wanted to do. And it just makes me so angry that her life had to pass away before she was capable of even giving a 1/4th of the love she was able to give, and do all of the things she ever wanted to do.


What makes me even more angry is that I was not there for her in her final months when she needed someone the most.


She had done so much for me..and for everyone. She even cared about the people she didn't know. I just wish more than anything else right now that I could have a chance to go back and thank her for everything she did for me and what she would have done with me and for me if she could have.


So here's to you, Alana. I'm glad your suffering, pain and misery has ended. I love you, and I will miss you greatly.


There you have it, and I don't care if all that sounds corny.

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Alana was a very much loved person who loved everything. Alana was born on November 29, 1979, and since she was a little girl she always got sick easily. Later, she was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease at 15. She's been suffering for almost 10 years. I've seen people ask her, "If you're so sick, how can you type?"

Her response is, "I can type because I'm so used to the pain." That was a little bit disturbing to me.


Everyone loved her, I don't know anyone who dislikes her. Alana cared about everyone, even people she didn't know. She had a website and helped many people who had Crohn's Disease. Alana also owned #Kidchat, and the kids who come there are freaked out too. Well, they act it...


~*~Alana, may you rest in peace forever.~*~

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Wow....wow is all i can say. Wow. How could this happen? I had checked my e-mail and all i could do is just sit n' stare at the screen wondering why this had to happen to her? Why does this happen to people??? why? thats all i can say is why. She deserved life she didnt deserve to be this way. But i really hope she will rest in peace forever and I hope no one will ever ever Forget KiKi. :(
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I'll be honest. I haven't dealt with this yet. I'm the type of person who won't seriously grieve til days or weeks afterward.


For some reason, Elton John's Candle in the Wind seems fitting for KiKi. Thats exactly what she was. A candle in the wind.


Like Candy.. Kiki has given me so much good advice, and we both had very similar life experances, they drew us closer. And like Candy, I wish I had been there for her when she need friends the most.


I'll miss her.


For those of you that need to talk, I am here if you need someone to talk to.


Here, a chorus from a song sums it up better than I could


"and Mama whispered softly, time will ease your pain...

Life is about changing, nothing ever stays the same..

and she said how can I help you to say goodbye?

Its okay to hurt and its okay to cry,

Come let me hold you and I will try

How can I help you to say goodbye?"



.. I probably made no sense, but I'm hitting post anyway

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