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You might be a bachelor if...


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You might be a bachelor if...


* You use a stapler to adjust the length of your trousers.


* You get your furniture out of the clean up pile and then brag about how it didn't cost you a thing.


* You sniff your underwear to see if you can get by just one more day without doing the wash.


* Your refrigerator is packed full of Tupperware dishes filled with mouldy smelly food because you just don't want to wash them.


* You've bought the Ziploc disposable plastic ware so that you won't have to wash containers with mouldy food.


* You open a food container in the fridge to see what it is but can't, and then you smell it and it knocks you unconscious.


* The only thing that snuggles next to you in bed is your dog and or cat.


* You actually have money in your savings account.


* You bought clean guest towels 3 years ago and they are still hanging up, unused.


* You haven't cooked in so long you've forgotten where things are in your kitchen and what buttons to use on the stove.


* You've often wondered how many empty pizza boxes constitute a collection.


* The only kitchen appliance you know how to use is the microwave.


* You have a disproportionate number of plastic utensils and paper plates vs. real silverware and plates.


* You haven't eaten a meal at home that wasn't in a disposable container.


* You don't know how to take out the trash.


* You have to look to see how clean your apartment is and not how full your calendar is to decide when to go out on a date.


* You can clean engine parts in the bathtub without someone yelling at you.


* You buy a really big trashcan for the kitchen so you don't have to take it out as often.


* You amuse yourself by lobbing beer cans so that they bounce off the wall before hitting aforementioned trash can.


* It takes you ten minutes every six months to buy new clothes (Let's see, I'm out of jeans, white T-shirts, black T-shirts, and socks..)


* You don't feel compelled to wear underwear unless you have a date that night.


* You car gets waxed more often than the toilet gets cleaned.


* You belch and fart in public without apologizing.


* You turn your socks and underwear inside out so you can wear them twice as long.


* You have the pizza place on speed dial.


* Instead of cleaning for guests, you just keep the lights low.


* Paper towels double as dishes.


* Beer is the ONLY item in the fridge.


* You never listen to your messages when a female is around


* Your entire house is trashed except for you entertainment center, which you lovingly polish every day


* If cooking anything longer than five minutes is a waste of time


* The last time you cleaned the house was when you moved in


* A dress shirt is "fine" if it only has one or two wrinkles in it


* You think you left your tie on the nightstand...or was it the closet?


* You don't feel guilty about leaving the lid up

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