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Robert ordered a cup of coffee with no cream at Judi's restaurant.


She replied, "I'm sorry, you'll have to have it with no milk because we're out of cream."




Public Schools: A place of detention for children placed in the care of teachers who are afraid of the principal, principals who are afraid of the school board, school boards who are afraid of the parents, parents who are afraid of the children, and children who are afraid of nobody.




One lovely morning, Ben and Thomas were out golfing. Ben slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball.


Ben searches diligently throughout the thick underbrush and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball.


Ben excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: "Hey Thomas, come here, I got big trouble down here."


Thomas comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: "What's the matter Ben?"


Ben shouts back in a nervous voice: "Throw me my 7-iron! Looks like you can't get out of here with an 8-iron."




A policeman pulled a blonde over after she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.

Cop: Do you know where you were going?

Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the people are leaving.




Checking out of the grocery store, I noticed that the bag boy was eyeing my two adopted children curiously. They often draw scrutiny, since my son is a blond Russian, while my daughter has shiny black Haitian skin.


The boy continued staring as he carried our groceries to the car.


Finally, he asked. "Those your kids?"


"Yes, they are!" I answered proudly.


"They adopted?" he asked.


"Yes," I replied.


"I thought so," he concluded. "I figured you're too old to have kids that small."




Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

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