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A few more randoms...


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A woman was out driving with her husband. She was speeding along about fifty when a motorcycle cop appeared alongside and indicated for her to pull over.


The cop looked at her and said, "Hmmm...I'm going to put you down for fifty-five."


She turned to her husband. "See! I told you this hat makes me look old."




A jeweller standing behind the counter of his shop after hours was astounded to see a suspicious looking man come hurling head first through the window.


"What on earth are you up to? What happened?!" he demanded.


"I'm terribly sorry," said the man, "I forgot to let go of the brick." Scott Wood




In a train compartment a young couple and an elderly, somewhat ragged man were sitting. The girl looks like she's having some discomfort so her boyfriend asks her, "What's wrong honey?"


She replies. "My head hurts."


Her boyfriend kisses her forehead, and asks her, "Is it better now?"


"Yes," she says.


Then he asks, "Does it hurt somewhere else?"


"Here," she replies, pointing to her lips. So the boyfriend kisses her lips.


"Is it better now?"


"Much better."


"Anywhere else?"


She replies by pointing to her neck. So the boyfriend kisses her neck.


Annoyed at the pitiful public display, the elderly man asks the young man, "Excuse me pal, do you do hemorrhoids?"




The chef at a family-run restaurant had broken her leg and came into our insurance office to file a disability claim. As I scanned the claim form, I did a double take. Under "Reason unable to work," she wrote:


"Can't stand to cook."

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