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One liners


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"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing."

-- Redd Foxx (1922 - 1991)



"As you know security was incredibly tight at the Olympics. And their biggest fear was that people might try to sneak in by impersonating the athletes. In fact, I think that's what happened to our men's basketball team."

--Jay Leno



"The Republican National Convention is in town. There's a lot of protesters here. It feels just like the 60's. The air is just full of that aroma of tear gas and weed."

--David Letterman



"If President Reagan could be an actor and become president, maybe I could become an actor. I've got a good pension. I can work cheap."

--Bill Clinton at a Hollywood fund-raiser.



"I got a wonderful tribute at the airport. They fired 21 shots in the air in my honor. Of course, it would've been nicer if they'd waited for the plane to land."

--Bob Hope



"Rather than take a chance of being embarrassed again, I'm going to start buying colored handkerchiefs."

--Senator Howell Heflin, after pulling a pair of his wife's underwear out of his pocket.

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