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Alcohol Warning Labels


Mephisto

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Due to increasing products liability litigation, American beer brewers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers:

 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra.

 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.

 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your butt kicked.

 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to rollover in the morning and see something really scary.

 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

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