My Mom Taught Me

[BONES]

My mom taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE:

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside -- I just finished cleaning!"

 

My mother taught me RELIGION:

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

 

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

 

My mother taught me LOGIC:

"Because I said so, that's why."

 

My mother taught me FORESIGHT:

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

 

My mother taught me IRONY:

"Keep laughing and I'll *give* you something to cry out."

 

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS:

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

 

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM:

"Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

 

My mother taught me about STAMINA:

"You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."

 

My mother taught me about WEATHER:

"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

 

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS:

"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"

 

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY:

"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times -- don't exaggerate!!!"

 

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE:

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

 

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION:

"Stop acting like your father!"

 

My mother taught me about ENVY:

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

[SaviniFan]

LOL!