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If people buy cars like they do computers


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What if people bought cars like they buy



The car companies don't have help lines

for people who don't know how to drive,

because people don't buy cars like they

buy computers, imagine if they did.....


Helpline: General Motors Helpline, how can I help



Customer: I got in my car and closed the door and

nothing happened!


Helpline: Did you put the key in the ignition slot

and turn it?


Customer: What's an ignition?


Helpline: It's a starter motor that draws current

from your battery and turns over the engine.


Customer: Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How

come I have to know all these technical terms to

use my car.


Helpline: Toyota Helpline, how can I help you?


Customer: My car ran fine for a week and now it

won't go anywhere!


Helpline: Is the gas tank empty?


Customer: Huh? How do I know?"


Helpline: There's a little gauge on the front

panel with a needle and markings of 'E' and 'F'.

Where is the needle pointing?


Customer: It's pointing to 'E'. What does that



Helpline: It means you have to visit a gasoline

vendor and purchase some more gasoline. You can

install it yourself or pay the vendor to install

it for you.


Customer: What? I paid $18,000 for this car!

And your telling me I to keep buying more

components? This is outrageous! I want a car that

comes with everything built in!


Helpline: Ford Helpline, how can I help you?


Customer: Your cars suck!


Helpline: What's wrong?"


Customer: It crashed, that's what's wrong!


Helpline: What were you doing?


Customer: Well I wanted to go faster, so I pushed

the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor, It

worked for a while and then it when off the road

at a corner and crashed and it won't start now!


Helpline: It's your responsibility if you misuse

the product. What do you expect us to do about it?


Customer: I expect you to send me one of the

latest versions that doesn't crash!


Helpline: BMW Helpline, how can I help you?


Customer: Hi, I just bought my first car, and I

chose your car because it has automatic

transmission, cruise control, power steering,

power brakes, power door locks, power seats,



Helpline: Well,.. thanks for buying one of our

top of line cars. So how can I help you?


Customer: Well, how do I work it?


Helpline: Do you know how to drive?


Customer: Do I know how to what?


Helpline: Do you know how to drive?


Customer: Look, I'm not a mechanic. I'm not even

very technical. I just want to go places in my

new car!

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