News Flash 2029

[jasminespice]

News Flash 2029

 

* Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh

largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally known as California.

 

* Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and

livestock.

 

* Baby conceived naturally . . . scientists stumped.

 

* Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

 

* Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of

the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria and

Lebanon).

 

* Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10

more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

 

* France pleads for global help after being over taken by Jamaica.

 

* Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported

legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

 

* George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

 

* Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces

mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

 

* 85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise are the keys to weight

loss.

 

* Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

 

* Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter

speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

 

* Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

 

* Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil

rights.

 

* Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

 

* New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly

swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

 

* Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political

contributions to campaign accounts.

 

* IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

 

* Florida Democrats still don't know how to use a voting machine.

[Mephisto]

Hah, that's good