Wish

[rockoncheese101]

I wish we had not gotten in that fight,

I wish i followed your advice that was right,

I wish that you stayed by my side,

now in my bed I sit here and ly,

 

If only you had'nt left me so soon,

And i wish that you would come back,

but your gone,

and you'll never come back,

 

I know they say your in a better place,

yet i find my self with tears running down my face,

and if only this just was'nt true,

now mommy your gone and I really miss you,

 

I remember how you would hold me tight,

when i was younger,

you would kiss me good-night,

fight the monsters in my closet,

but now your gone,

so i'll have to pray,

for God to get me through another day,

when mothers day comes around,

and i see the kids get gifts,

and we make presents in school,

my memorie of you will only drift,

 

So next time I hear some one say "she's in a better place now",

Where you went i know,

and its not the fact that your in heaven mommy,

its the fact that its so hard to let go...

Edited December 27, 2004 by rockoncheese101

[Lacey]

Great last line, work on wordiness, though, otherwise, its very good

 

 

Love

Lacey

[rockoncheese101]

wordiness?

[Lacey]

The fourth through eighth stanza is a bit repetitive, try dropping the fifth through eighth stanza, and go on to the next

 

 

"If only you hadn't left me so soon...

But I know they say you're in a better place."

[rockoncheese101]

i know this is gonna sound so dumb but im still confuzzled. Stanza?

[Lacey]

lol, a stanza is a line in a poem, each line is one stanza

[Pretender]

I like it.. Good work

[HiLLiE]

That's good.

-Becky-