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[OLD]If they made toasters....


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If IBM made toasters ... They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be submitted for overnight toasting. IBM

would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe six toasters.


If Microsoft made toasters ... Every time you bought a loaf of

bread, you would have to buy a toaster. You wouldn't have to

take the toaster, but you'd still have to pay for it anyway.

Toaster'95 would weigh 15000 pounds (hence requiring a

reinforced steel countertop), draw enough electricity to power a

small city, take up 95% of the space in your kitchen, would

claim to be the first toaster that lets you control how light or

dark you want your toast to be, and would secretly interrogate

your other appliances to find out who made them. Everyone would

hate Microsoft toasters, but nonetheless would buy them since

most of the good bread only works with their toasters.


If Apple made toasters ... It would do everything the Microsoft

toaster does, but 5 years earlier.


If Xerox made toasters ... You could toast one-sided or

double-sided. Successive slices would get lighter and lighter.

The toaster would jam your bread for you.


If Radio Shack made toasters ... The staff would sell you a

toaster, but not know anything about it. Or you could buy all

the parts to build your own toaster.


If Oracle made toasters ... They'd claim their toaster was

compatible with all brands and styles of bread, but when you got

it home you'd discover the Bagel Engine was still in

development, the Croissant Extension was three years away, and

that indeed the whole appliance was just blowing smoke.


If Sun made toasters ... The toast would burn often, but you

could get a really good cuppa Java.


If Hewlett-Packard made toasters ... They would market the

Reverse Polish Toaster, which takes in toast and gives you

regular bread.


If The Rand Corporation made toasters ... It would be a large,

perfectly smooth and seamless black cube. Every morning there

would be a piece of toast on top of it. Their service department

would have an unlisted phone number, and the blueprints for the

box would be highly classified government documents. The X-Files

would have an episode about it.


If Sony made toasters ... The ToastMan, which would be barely larger than the single piece of bread it is meant to toast, can

be conveniently attached to your belt.


If Fisher Price made toasters ... "Baby's First Toaster" would

have a hand-crank that you turn to toast the bread that pops up

like a Jack-in-the-box.


If the Franklin Mint made toasters ... Every month, you would

receive another lovely hand-crafted piece of your authentic

hand-crafted Civil War pewter toaster.


Does DEC still make toasters?... They made good toasters in '80s, didn't they?


If Tandom made toasters ... You could make toast 24 hours a day, and if a piece got burned the toaster would automatically toast you a new one.


If Thinking Machine made toasters ... You would be able to toast 64,000 pieces of bread at the same time.


If Cray made toasters ... They would cost $16 million but would be faster than any other single-slice toaster in the world. Cray would claim a worldwide market for Five, may be Six toasters.


If the NASA made toasters ... Your toaster would have a secret trap door that only the NASA could access in case they needed to get at your toast for reasons of national security.


If Anderson Consulting made toasters ... They would send you 250 consultants, 1 that had actually made toast before and 249 who studied kitchen appliances in general before they graduated last month and had just completed the 1 week AC Master program, to evaluate your current toasting requirements and determine that you could have a custom designer toaster installed and producing toast tailor-made to your toasting specification in 1 year. Two years later 500 consultants would help you celebrate wildly as you produced you first piece of plain toast.





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