jmukiki Posted February 26, 2003 Report Share Posted February 26, 2003 FYI – I’ve been trying to write this post all day long…but it has been a hectic day. So here goes nothing…finally Love is a very interesting thing to me. I am so tired of HAVING people ask me "but do you know what love is?"...especially when they themselves that are "in love" usually can't put definite words to the whole love thing. I haven't determined yet why it changes everything...I doubt that I'll ever really know. But I can relate to the changes that it makes in people's lives. I have had my share of interesting experiences and I have heard about my friend’s/family’s various experiences That which follows will be a brief personal analysis of my "love life" since it pops up in conversation at the weirdest times...now I can just get it out there once and for all. These are to share my “real” relationships with you all so that you all can get a feel for what I have experienced. And…if you have questions for me, I’ll finally have something to put in my new “advice” section (you know I had to plug it! ;-) E-mail me!.) “Real” Relationship #1: I was 15, he was 16...we were together for 9 months. We ended up together out of no where. He asked me to the Homecoming Dance, I said yes...we saw a lot of each other because we were both involved in some of the same extracurricular activities and had mutual friends...soon enough everyone assumed we were boyfriend and girlfriend, so we literally just said "Okay...why not?" I wasn’t really in any particular “crowd”…I sort of just roamed and made friends with as many people as I could. His “crowd” was one that I would have avoided had I picked one. They were INTO the alcohol and marijuana scene…I wasn’t. But I overlooked that…as long as he didn’t smoke/drink around me or before hanging out with me. Things were alright…he “loved” me after a few months…I never loved him…at least not “like that.” The summer after I turned 16 he was Europe bound for 3 weeks with a GROUP FROM my school. As it turns out, an opportunity arose for me to travel that summer for 3 weeks as well. So he was off to Germany, Austria, and other countries in that area. A week later, I was off to the UK and Ireland. During the course of our three weeks apart I realized that, while he was a nice guy, our relationship would ultimately end at some point…and there was no point in stringing him along. So, a few days later I talked to him. I explained my position on things and he surprisingly said “I see your point…I guess we should see other people.” If only it had been that easy. The next day he was at my door with roses asking me to reconsider…but I’m glad that at 16 I was capable of realizing that there are other fish in the sea. Unfortunately he had to be immature and spread rumors about me throughout the school…but THANKFULLY most of the important people in my life saw through his lies. We ended up not speaking for the remainder of his time in high school. He graduated a year before me…and soon after his graduation I bumped INTO him at the mall. Slowly we began speaking again, I forgave him because his lies never really affected me, and I myself have acted immaturely at times, so I can’t hold it against him for the remainder of his life. We still communicate…I’d even call us “friends”…and thankfully we both know that we will never be more than friends, and that is what is best for us. “Real” Relationship #2: This one I did end up loving. I even saw a future with him at times. When we first started dating, I was 17 and he was 19. At the end of the relationship, I was 19 and he was 21. For me it was a “lust at first sight” thing. Initially I was just “some chick” to him…but upon our second meeting he realized it might be time to get in some face time. He is FROM Pennsylvania, and as you know I am FROM Virginia…we met in Toronto…go figure. We were both on vacation and our families had mutual acquaintances. However, by the time we finally had time to talk, it was time for me to leave. Although he was unaware of it at first, his cousin (that I have known for a long time – technically since I was about 4 years old) had a crush on me. So, his cousin innocently gave him my screen name thinking nothing of why we may want to communicate with me. Needless to say, we got in contact with one another and I was thrilled. We started dating and my first long-distance relationship began. As you can see FROM the ages, we were together for about a year and a half. We had our ups and downs. We discussed “the L word”…and held off on saying it to one another. I developed a wonderful relationship with his three sisters. Initially I thought we were on the right track…that he might be “the one.” Soon enough, however, I learned that he and I weren’t on the same track. While he finished high school 2 years before me, I was catching up to him education wise. Upon my high school graduation I knew where I was headed. JMU, business major, graduation in 4 years…those were key to me. But he was on a different page. I am set to graduate in a year and a half…unless something horrible was to happen to prevent that. He is no where near graduating. While we were together I tried my best to motivate him. His older sister even IMed me on occasion to thank me for my positive influence on him in his life in general and for what their family was seeing in his grades. However, when I realized that he wasn’t able to figure out what he really wanted, I realized that in the end, things wouldn’t work. I LOVE being able to motivate people…but that is why I am a Big Brothers, Big Sisters mentor…that’s why I volunteer period in all of my efforts. But I do not love HAVING to constantly motivate someone that seemingly doesn’t want to be motivated. He’s a wonderful guy…and one day he will make a girl very, very happy. But that girl isn’t me. There are other issues that can never be changed, and I don’t believe that I could ever give him my heart again. He was one of those guys that, when he finally fell for you, he seemed to fall hard. Being in a long-distance relationship was hard for him and he constantly worried that I “would be taken advantage of” because I…I don’t want to say I had “become quite popular” because I hate the whole popularity thing…but I had acquired a good variety of friends. In other words…he was afraid that I might stray FROM our relationship. That in itself bothered me, because there needs to be trust in a relationship…otherwise there isn’t a true relationship there. After our relationship ended, I became aware of the fact that the boy that was so paranoid about my being “unfaithful” had in fact “cheated” on me himself. That was painful, but I believe I’m a better person in my relationships thanks to all my experiences good or bad. I also communicate with him still. It is hard for him, because I believe that at the back of his mind he still really believes that we could possibly be together in the future…he even brings it up at times. And, thankfully I still get to keep in contact with his sisters who are great. My Current Relationship: This is probably my most hectic relationship yet. It is a long distance relationship during my school year. It is even more complicated during the summer. Why? Because it is a “forbidden” relationship. I won’t get INTO how we met and all that, because that would make this post MUCH longer than it is already going to be. Let’s just say that we have a long history together (not being together, but of knowing one another)…and he’s not just some “sketch old guy looking for a young piece of butt.” Anyway…my parents “forbid” my seeing him, “because of the age difference.” Which I don’t believe is the whole thing…it’s mostly mom disagreeing, but whatever. I’m old enough to do my own thing. Unfortunately due to my mother’s erratic behavior I have to continue to hide this relationship until I graduate FROM here…assuming, hoping, we last that long. We began dating when I was 19, and he was 25. I will soon be 21, and he is now 27. I love this man…I really do. Our relationship is very difficult though, because of the need to hide our relationship. Thankfully he is being as understanding as his stubborn self can manage being. It gets rough, because the boy knows how to push my buttons…but he can surprisingly be very sweet. I couldn’t begin to type all that is good or bad in our relationship, because that would take an EXTREMELY long time…and because we’re still (thankfully) in our relationship I haven’t analyzed our relationship to the fullest extent. He is very scared of losing me either because I am tired of the games…having to hide things…or to someone younger. I don’t see either happening. He makes me happy…so why should I go? I see a future with him…clearly. Unfortunately his paranoia stems FROM bad former relationships. One day, when we have issues involving this I’m sure you’ll get to hear all about his past relationships. But that’s what my journal section is for, I guess. I’m sure that ultimately you all will hear much more about my boyfriend than you ever wanted to know. And for now, I am done. I don’t know that any of this was relevant to Monopolized’s post…but it was nice to finally write out my thoughts on my relationships. I have never really officially done that…and it feels good. I know there is more that I could say about each one…but I’ll leave that for another time. Thanks for reading…if you got this far. ) To close, here is one of my favorite quotations related to love: "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monopolized Posted February 26, 2003 Author Report Share Posted February 26, 2003 That's the way I see it as well. Only problem is, it's gonna be one heck of a wait and it's killing me. But I certainly agree with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fluffyrat Posted February 26, 2003 Report Share Posted February 26, 2003 Wow, that sure is a long post, and one of these days, I'll find time to read it. ;-) Honest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jmukiki Posted February 26, 2003 Report Share Posted February 26, 2003 Hehe...sorry...I didn't intend for it to be that long...I just started writing and couldn't stop. :-D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fluffyrat Posted February 26, 2003 Report Share Posted February 26, 2003 It's cool, and if I weren't sick, I'd really read it tonight. But since I am, I'll have to put it off until tomorrow. :baa: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monopolized Posted February 26, 2003 Author Report Share Posted February 26, 2003 Well, jmukiki, although I have someone bugging the heck out of me right now, I've managed to read your post. Well written. I have no room to comment on the length. *grin* Nor would I anyhow. Either way, I'm glad you feel better now that you've got some things off your chest. That was kinda why I started this thread - I needed to relieve some tension. Though a bit is still there, I do feel a bit better. Also, I hope things work out for you and your boyfriend (I forgot his name - nothing personal, I'm surprised I can remember my own name). :flirt: - Monopolized Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jmukiki Posted February 26, 2003 Report Share Posted February 26, 2003 It's ok...I usually call him "dork," "punk," "Belly," or sometimes I'll even call him Wayne... :-D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fluffyrat Posted February 26, 2003 Report Share Posted February 26, 2003 Ok, I was just playing about the length of the post, but monopolized made me feel bad, so I took the time to read it. *bows* Six years really isn't that much difference, but what do I know, I'm only 18 and I don't have any experience with love anyway, so y'all shouldn't listen to me, lol. I do have experience with other things though, and we'll probably stumble upon them as we continue to open new threads. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monopolized Posted February 26, 2003 Author Report Share Posted February 26, 2003 I am so sorry. I certainly didn't mean to make you feel bad at all. But I agree with you, I don't think six years is that big of a difference. Ten or twelve years I could see, but not six. However, I can understand her parents concern. If I had kids, I'd be watching over their shoulders constantly - it's just a parents nature to protect their children. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie Posted February 26, 2003 Report Share Posted February 26, 2003 Age is a number, it's the person that matters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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