[OLD]THE COMPREHENSIVE POOP LIST

[Wolfie]

The science of categorizing poop has been thoroughly investigated and developed over the years by poop specialists. Some say you are what you poop. This saying is true because the kind of food you eat really does affect the nature of your poop and your poopting habits. The following is the breakdown types of poops.

 

Ghost Poop -- The kind where you feel the poop come out, see poop on the toilet paper, but there's no poop in the bowl.

 

Clean Poop -- The kind where you feel the poop come out, see it in the toilet bowl, but there's no poop on the toilet paper.

 

Wet Poop -- The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it feels unwiped so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you don't ruin your pants with a stain.

 

Second Wave Poop -- It happens when you're done poopting and you've pulled your pants up to your knees and you realize you have to poop some more.

 

Brain Hemorrhage Through Your Nose Poop -aka-

Pop A Vein In Your Forehead Poop -- You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.

 

Richard Simmons Poop -- You poop so much that you lose 30 pounds.

 

Lincoln Log Poop -- The kind of poop that's so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it INTO little pieces with the toilet brush.

 

Gassy Poop -- It's noisy and everyone within earshot is giggling.

 

Corn Poop -- Self explanatory, no explanation necessary.

 

Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Poop Poop -- The kind where you want to poop, but even after straining your guts out, all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting.

 

Spinal Tap Poop -- The kind of poop that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's got to be coming out sideways.

 

Phantom Poop -- This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to putting it there.

 

Wet Cheek Poop(The Power Dump!) -- The kind that comes out of your butt so fast your cheeks get splashed with water.

 

Liquid Poop -- That's the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splatters all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same time, chronically burns your tender poop-chute.

 

Mexican Food Poop -- It smells so bad the room must be condemned.

 

Upper Class Poop -- The kind that thinks their poop doesn't smell.

 

Floater Poop-- Characterized by its floatability, this poop has been known to resurface after many flushings.

 

Fisherman's Bobber Poop -- The kind where you are in a public restroom, there are two people waiting on your stall, you poop and flush two times, but several golf ball size pieces are still floating at the water line. -- see Floater Poop

 

Ambush Poop -- The kind that never happens at home, but usually at a party or while playing golf.  It is the result of trying to fart--just a little, but you end up with trouser chili and you walk bow-legged for the rest of the day.

 

Drunken Poop -- The kind you have the morning after a long night of drinking.  It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.

 

Champagne Poop -- You're so constipated that by the time the cork blows, a bubbly liquid streams FROM your butt.

 

Kling-On Poop -- The kind where, when you go to wipe it, it's there waiting on the edge.

 

Blow Out Poop -- The poop that's proceeded by a fart so vicious, you have to CHECK the bowl afterwards to make sure there are no cracks.

 

Exorcist Poop -- The kind where yellowish-brownish liquid shoots out of your butt and burns your butt while it splatters all over the toilet. (See Liquid Poop)

 

Peek-A-Boo Poop -- It comes halfway out, then it goes back in, comes back out, goes back in, etc. This poop is playing games with you.  Requires patience and muscle control.

 

Pregnancy Poop -- The kind where you're really backed up and it makes you grunt and wheeze for a long while until it finally splits your crack in a child bearing fashion.(See Pop a Vein Poop, Spinal Tap Poop)

 

Rabbit Poop -- It comes in cute, round portions, but there loads of it about. Actually, you're never really finished, but stop at some point FROM boredom.

 

Pebbles-From-Heaven Poop -- An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift FROM God when you actually CAN'T poop.

 

Alphabet Poop -- It comes leisurely, with one or a few breakaways, and when you look at it you think: "Doesn't that just look like the letter ...?"

 

Feminist Poop -- No matter what it looks like or how it comes out, it's a man's fault.

 

Blowtorch Poop -- Poop that burns your butt so much, you'd swear that it's flammable. (usually occurs morning after eating WAY too much spicy food)

 

Dual Density Poop -- The kind where some poop floats and some poop sinks to the bottom of the bowl.

 

Ribbon Poop -- A semiliquid fecal matter that is too thin to be a Lincoln Log Poop but not runny enough to be a Liquid Poop. Rather, it looks like a 1 inch wide piece of brownish fettuccine, with some specks of color.

 

Public Poop -- Poop that reminds your senses of the warm, moist stench that embraces you when you enter a less than sanitary public restroom.

 

Little Boy Poop -- Poop powerful enough to level a small city.

 

Flood Poop -- You poop so much that it acts like a huge sandbag and ends up flooding your bowl and running out all over the place, leaving you to clean up a brown,pasty mess. (Add a bonus point if John Mellencamp does a relief concert to help cleanup efforts)

 

Dream Poop -- When you haven't been to the toilet in 14 days, this is the poop that you'll be dreaming about.

 

Concrete Poop -- This is what you'll DROP after you haven't been to the toilet in 14 days.

 

Surgery Poop -- After the Concrete poop, you'll have to go INTO surgery because your butt is torn apart so badly.

 

Crowd Pleaser -- This poop is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to SHOW it to someone before flushing.

 

Ranger -- A poop which refuses to let go.  It is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper.

 

Mood Enhancer -- This poop occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby allowing you to be your old self again.

 

Ritual - This poop occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper.

 

Guiness Book Of Records Poop -- A poop so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations.

 

Aftershock Poop -- This poop has an odour so powerful that anyone entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is affected.

 

"Honeymoon's Over" Poop -- This is any poop created in the presence of another person.

 

Groaner -- A poop so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance.

 

Bombshell -- A poop that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either inappropriate to poop (ie during lovemaking or a root canal) or you are nowhere near poopting facilities.

 

Snake Charmer -- A long skinny poop which has managed to coil itself INTO a frightening position - usually harmless.

 

Olympic Poop -- This poop occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive event in which you are entered and bears a close resemblance to the Drinker's Poop.

 

Back-To-Nature Poop -- This poop may be of any variety but is always deposited either in the woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car.

 

Premeditated Poop -- Laxative induced.  Doesn't count.

 

Poopzopherenia -- Fear of poopting - can be fatal!

 

Energizer vc Duracell Poop -- Also known as a "Still Going" poop.

 

I Think I'm Giving Birth Through My butthole Poop -- Similar to the Lincoln Log and the Spinal Tap Poops.  The shape and size

of the turd resembles a tall boy beer can.  Vacuous air space remains in the rectum for some time afterwards.

 

Porridge Poop -- The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming.  You have two choices:  (a) flush and keep going, or (style_emoticons/default/cool.gif risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless.

 

I'm Going To Chew My Food Better Poop -- When the bag of Dorritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your rectum on the way out in the morning.

 

I Think I'm Turning INTO A Bunny Poop -- When you DROP lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water.

 

What The heck Died In Here? Poop -- Also sometimes referred to as The Toxic Dump.  Of course you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odour.  Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the SHOW as they run out gagging and gasping for air.

 

I Just Know There's A Turd Still Dangling There Poop -- Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on to DROP off because if you wipe now, it's going to smear all over the place.

[Wolfie]

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