Odds and Ends

[Wolfie]

Reciting the NATO Phonetic Alphabet

While working as a volunteer at our local Boy Scout Council office, one of the professional staff -- who was wearing street clothes instead of her usual uniform -- was talking about the NATO phonetic alphabet.

 

She said that she had learned it some years ago and proceeded to recite it. "Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta..."

 

But, when she got to the letter "U," she stumbled and asked for help.

 

I offered a hint: "What *aren't* you wearing today?"

 

"Underwear?" she replied

 

 

Generation Gap

A young punker gets on the cross-town bus. He's got spiked, multicolored hair that's green, purple, and orange. His clothes are a tattered mix of colorful leather rags. His legs are bare and he is without shoes. His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewelry, and his earrings are big, bright feathers. He sits down in the only vacant seat, directly across FROM an old man who just stares at him for the next 10 miles.

Finally, the punk gets a little miffed and barks at the old man: "What is with you? Didn't you ever do anything wild when you were young?"

 

Without missing a beat, the old man replies, "Yup. I remember back when I was young and in the Navy. I got really drunk one night in Singapore. Couldn't control myself. Had sex with a parrot. I was just sitting here wondering if you were my son."

 

 

Lip Prints on the Mirror

According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirrors leaving dozens of little lip prints.

 

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the custodian. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every day. To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the custodian to clean one of the mirrors. He took out a long-handled brush, dipped it INTO the toilet and scrubbed the mirror.

 

Since then there have been no lip prints on the mirror.