Employee evaluations

[Wolfie]

Some of these were reportedly taken from actual employee performance evaluations.

• Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
  
• This person's employees would follow them anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
  
• I would not allow this employee to breed.
  
• This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be.
  
• Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
  
• When they open their mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.
  
• They would be out of their depth in a parking lot puddle.
  
• This young person has delusions of adequacy.
  
• They set low personal standards and then consistently fail to achieve them.
  
• This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
  
• This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.
  
• Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
  
• A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
  
• Certainly takes a long time to get to pointless.
  
• Does not have ulcers, but he is a carrier.
  
• I would like to go hunting with this employee sometime.
  
• They have been working with glue too much.
  
• They would argue with a signpost.
  
• They have a knack for making strangers immediately.
  
• This employee brings a lot of joy whenever they leave the room.
  
• When this employee's I.Q. reaches 50, they should sell.
  
• If you see two people talking and one looks bored, this employee is the other one.
  
• A photographic memory, but with the lens cover glued on.
  
• Donated their brain to science before they were done using it.
  
• Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train is not coming.
  
• Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
  
• If they were any more stupid, they'd have to be watered twice a week.
  
• If you gave them a penny for their thoughts, you'd get change.
  
• If you stand close enough to them, you can hear the ocean.
  
• One neuron short of a synapse.
  
• Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; this person only gargled.
  
• The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.