KiKi Posted May 5, 2003 Report Share Posted May 5, 2003 Ok..Does anyone know any good Jokes? I'm talking about one of a kind, I've never heard Jokes? I'd like to hear some if anyone does, please!!!!!! style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif style_emoticons/default/smile.gif Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monopolized Posted May 5, 2003 Report Share Posted May 5, 2003 Actual Instruction Labels... ON A HAIR DRYER: Do not use while sleeping. ON A BAG OF FRITOS: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP: Directions: Use like regular soap. ON A FROZEN DINNER: Serving suggestion: Defrost. ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP: Fits one head. ON TESCO'S TIRAMISU DESERT: Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.) ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING: Product will be hot after heating. ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON: Do not iron clothes on body. ON BOOTS CHILDRENS' COUGH MEDICINE: Do not drive car or operate machinery. ON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID): Warning: may cause drowsiness. ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE: Warning keep out of children. ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS: For indoor or outdoor use only. ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR: Not to be used for the other use. ON SAINSBURY'S PEANUTS: Warning: contains nuts. ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie Posted May 6, 2003 Report Share Posted May 6, 2003 I think what's funny are ones that are obvious like, "Remove wrapper before consuming product" or ones dealing with high voltage. :-D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monopolized Posted May 6, 2003 Report Share Posted May 6, 2003 An elderly woman lived on a small farm in Canada, just yards away FROM the North Dakota border. Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for years. The widowed woman lived on the farm with her son and three grandchildren. One day, her son came INTO her room holding a letter. "I just got some news, Mom," he said. "The government has come to an agreement with the people in North Dakota. They've decided that our land is really part of the United States. We have the right to approve or disapprove of the agreement. What do you think?" "What do I think?" his mother said. "Sign it! Call them right now and tell them we accept! I don't think I can stand another Canadian winter!" Mercedes-Benz A taxi driver driving a Mercedes-Benz picked up a rather simple looking fellow at the airport one day. When the gentleman got in and they started on their way he enquired what the three pinned emblem on the front is for. The driver replied "why it's for lining it up at people so you can run them down". "Ah I see", said the man. With this the taxi driver starts heading straight for an elderly woman but at the last second swerves away and hears a loud bang, he looks curiously over at the passenger who is hanging out of the car with the door wide open: "I thought you were going to miss there for a minute!". Railroad A man who had spent his whole life in the desert visited a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the railroad tracks, he heard a whistle, but didn't know what it was. Predictably, he was hit and thrown to the side of the tracks, with some internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises. After months in the hospital recovering, he was at his friend's house attending a party. While in the kitchen, he suddenly heard the tea kettle whistling. He grabbed a baseball bat FROM the nearby closet and bashed the tea kettle INTO an unrecognizable lump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushed INTO the kitchen, saw what had happened, and asked the desert man, "Why'd you ruin my good tea kettle?" The desert man replied, "Man, you gotta kill these things when they're small." style_emoticons/default/popc1.gif - Monopolized Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ibm4mad Posted December 4, 2003 Report Share Posted December 4, 2003 Sit down and enjoy the joke :8-P: Four men were riding a lemo to North Dakota for a vacation. One man was FROM Nebraska, one FROM New York, one was FROM Idaho, and the other man was FROM Florida. A few hours down the road, the man FROM Nebraska rolled down his window and started throwing perfectly good corn out the window, one piece at a time. The man FROM Idaho inquired, "Why are you throwing all that perfectly good corn out the window!?" The man FROM Nebraska stopped and said "There is simply too much corn in Nebraska. I'm tired of it." The man FROM Idaho thought and finally realized what he hated. He rolled down his windows and began to throw out perfectly good potatoes. The man FROM Florida asked "Why are you throwing out those good potatoes!?" The man FROM Idaho said "Well, you see, in Idaho, I run INTO too much potatoes. Everywhere I look they are being sold. I'm tired of them!!" After a few minutes of thought, the man FROM Florida put on a large grin and opened his door. He picked up the New Yorker and threw him out the door. He said "Gosh, those New Yorkers come down every winter. They crowd up the streets, stop at green lights, and cause wrecks. I'm soo tired of that!!!!!!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie Posted December 14, 2003 Report Share Posted December 14, 2003 I don't get it. I mean seriously, I don't because people know that New York drivers are actually some of the best, despite the myths of them being horrible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasminespice Posted January 8, 2004 Report Share Posted January 8, 2004 Billions The next time you hear a politician use the words "billion" casually, think about whether you want that politician spending your tax money. A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into perspective in one of its releases: A billion seconds ago, it was 1959. A billion minutes ago, Jesus was alive. A billion hours ago, our ancestors were living in the Stone Age. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate Washington spends it. The Democrats are complaining on how long the war is taking but consider this: It took less time to take Iraq than it took Janet Reno to take the Branch Davidian compound. That was a 51-day operation. It took less time to find Saddam's sons in Iraq than it took Hillary Clinton to find the Rose Law Firm billing records. It took less time for the 3rd Infantry Division and the Marines to destroy the Medina Republican Guard than it took Teddy Kennedy to call the police after his Oldsmobile sunk at Chappaquiddick. It took less time to take Iraq than it took to count the votes in Florida. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie Posted January 8, 2004 Report Share Posted January 8, 2004 And it took less time for me to realize that the study was a waste of money than it took for them to figure all this stuff out. style_emoticons/default/smile.gif Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lacey Posted January 9, 2004 Report Share Posted January 9, 2004 (edited) I Thought a Thought, but the Thought I Thought I Thought, wasn't the Thought I Thought I Thought, but if it had been the Thought I Thought I Thought I Thought, I wouldn't have Thought so much... style_emoticons/default/sleep.gif; Edited January 9, 2004 by Lacey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie Posted January 9, 2004 Report Share Posted January 9, 2004 Lacey.. Cut down on your soda intake. style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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