Annoyances...

[jmukiki]

I have decided to try to write down the things that irritate me in my daily life and vent them on the forum rather than keeping them pent up.  Why you might ask?  I'll get to that in a second...but if I had been posting these things on here last semester, you guys probably would've hated me.  I wish I HAD been posting, because I wouldn't have been on the edge as much as I had been last semester.  It was insane.  I hated life for the most part...for a variety of reasons...but we won't go INTO all of that right now.  But back to why I'm going to start venting more on here...

 

The other day I was talking to one of my friends and I got to running on about how I had been crying on and off randomly all day long due to a variety of things.  He responded with something along the lines of "Well, Kim, you finally recached another breaking point.  You bottled up so many of your frustrations, your stress, and your anger again, and today you had to finally let it all out.  In my eyes you're a very strong person because you can supress those things."  I guess that was supposed to be a compliment, however, I don't know that holding stuff in is really a SHOW of strength.  In fact, when I finally let it all out, I'll start crying completely randomly over everything.  That's when people get to thinking "she has issues."

 

I guess one of the biggest reasons I dislike that I am the girl-that-holds-everything-in is because I have hated my reaction to the deaths of loved ones.  In those cases some people look towards me as the "strong" one...but others treated me as though I was "heartless" to an extent.

 

On October 14, 1998 I got home FROM school, checked the caller ID, and saw that someone had called fro my Aunt Jena's house about four times which was quite unusual.  Even one phone call FROM their household was somewhat odd, but I didn't think much about it because my family is weird, and I lead such a sheltered life that I didn't think anything could actually be wrong.  So as usual I go to my room to do homework and whatnot and I hear my parents come home.  My PARENTS...my parents NEVER get home at the same time.  Mom usually doesn't SHOW up at home until 8 or 9pm.  But it's 5:30 and both of my parents are home.  They shout FROM downstairs "Can you two come down here?"  I thought my brother, the "troublemaker" of the family, had done something wrong again.  Nope, all my dad got out was "He's dead...."...and then he was crying.  Mom...crying.  My brother and I - "What ARE you talking about?"  Mom..."Your Grandpa [Clark - the American one, obviously]...he died in a car accident."  Brother...crying.  Me...blank stare.  Mind you...this is the first death of a family member that I had experienced (in my memory - in actuality my Great-Grandmother died while I was alive...but I was only 2 months old, so I never knew about it).  To try to cut this story down...I couldn't cry.  I didn't cry until I finally saw them carrying the casket out to be driven to the cemetary.  I think that's the point that the realization actually hit.  I don't think the wake affected me because it was a closed casket.  It was a freak accident - a horse ran in front of his car and that was it.  If you've seen the damage a deer can do, well, you understand why it had to be a closed casket.  But everyone else cried for the 2 days leading up to the funeral...and I got the weird looks because I just couldn't cry.

 

Now skip forward 4 months.  On February 7, 1999 I went shopping up in Northern Virginia with my mom and some other family members.  The night before was my high school's annual Valentine's Dance...which I didn't attend, because I wasn't about being bored at a dance few of my friends actually attended.  We returned home rather late that night, sometime between 9:30 and 10pm.  Before we even got INTO the house my brother runs out and says "Jenny's dead!"  Of course HAVING lost my grandfather a few months before I assumed he meant my cousin Jenny.  Who, ironically, is my Aunt Jena's daughter FROM my above paragraph.  But soon he cleared it up that it was in fact one of my [former] best friends FROM school.  Ever since we got INTO highschool we had falling outs periodically over idiotic stuff.  Anyway...once again I couldn't cry.  I needed to...I wanted to...but I couldn't.  The majority of our senior class and many of our other mutual friends attended the funeral.  The school allowed us an excused absence for the classes that we missed...especially since many of the teachers attended the funeral as well.  At the funeral, everyone cried...except me...even one of the guys that I had always characterized as the one that would never ever give in to his emtions cried.  People seriously made comments about me being heartless...high school is evil.  They believed I was petty enough not to be bothered just because we'd had our differences throughout the last couple years.  That wasn't the case.  I finally cried about Jenny's death a couple weeks later...when a few of my friends and I went to dinner and just cried in the restaurant.  I started with the "I can't believe I let that stupid crap interfere with our friendship...What kind of friend was I?!"  Anyway...I think I've gone on enough about that...on to my complaining for the day...

 

Occurance #1:

Yesterday I spent two hours working on an assignment with my "homework partner" that I could have completed by myself in 45 minutes give or take.  FYI - these assignments are all MS Access related, so they must be done at a computer.  My take on the whole "homework partner" thing is...I should be able to help my partner and be helped by my partner in equal amounts.  However, I feel as though I'm HAVING to teach this certain person everything that we do.  I don't feel as though we're equals.  She squashes my spirits.  She lowers my confidence in my fellow students.  She gets on her cell phone while in a public school computer lab and talks forever, all the while pushing useless buttons, as I sit there and wish I could push her and her chair across the room and finish the freaking assignment without her in the way.  Regardless of the fact that she drags me down...as my GROUP members last semester did...that isn't the worst part to me.  This morning I had to wake up much earlier than I would've liked to go to our 8am class, so that I could turn in the homework assignment.  Guess who didn't SHOW up to class?  Yep...my homework partner.  All in all, she got punished for not coming, because she missed a quiz (the 2nd or 3rd she has missed so far) and she missed all the info on our exams next week.  And I am not going to give her specifics about the exams if she doesn't ask...and she hasn't asked.  So she will not learn FROM me that we are allowed to use our notes, the professors powerpoint presentations, and our book on our exam.  That's her loss.  Does anyone think I'm being overly mean about this?  I don't.  The friends that I have talked to about this don't think I'm being mean.  It's her responsibility to find out what she missed...and she showed no interest in knowing anything about the exams.  The one thing that I dread is that today we were also assigned an Access Project which will be due March 19th.  It takes the professor 3 hours at the very least to complete this project.  He estimates that it will take us [the students] at least 5 hours to complete the assignment.  Kim, welcome to your worst nightmare.  If it took "us" 2 hours to do that SIMPLE 5 question assignment it's going to take us like 10 to 12 hours to complete a freaking 24 question project.  Will someone please just put me out of my misery now?!  PLEASE!!

 

Occurance #2:

I graduated FROM high school approximately 2 years and 8 months ago.  I finished middle school approximately 6 years and 8 months ago.  From this I can gather that the majority of my classmates did the same...none were finished after me (yes, this is a fact)...but some were finished before me.  For these reasons, I ask...how in the world are those people in my classes still seemingly stuck in middle school?!  After our quiz today mentioned in the above post, we went over the answers.  Two or three girls seated near me found it necessary to do the whole hissy I-got-the-answer-right "yeeeeeeeeeeeees..." thing.  To me that means they're incompetent and they didn't know what they were doing.  Your "yeeeeeeeeeeeees'..." only SHOW that, sadly, you didn't have any idea what the correct answer was...and, well, frankly you SHOULD have known the answer.  People that make such noises and SHOW their stupidity, or what I view as stupidity, really get on my nerves.

 

Occurance #3:

I promise that this one will be short...and the last one for today...although I have many more things to complain about.   :-D   Girls putting on makeup WHILE driving.  HOW does this make sense?!  Need I really say more?  In all honesty, sometimes I don't pay as much attention to my driving as I should without any distractions.  But putting on makeup???  Just DUMB!  I have no respect for you.  When you poke yourself in the eye, maybe you'll finally realize that mascara CAN be your friend...but not if you're trying to put it on while you're driving.

 

That is all for now...hehe...    :guilty: