[OLD]Jokes from EO (long)

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You have probablly never heard of EO but these are some of the jokes that they have come up with!!!!

 

Two hunters FROM New Jersey are out in the woods when one of

them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing.

The other whips out his mobile phone and calls the emergency

services. He gasps out to the operator: "My friend is dead.

What can I do?"

 

The operator in a calm soothing voice says "Just take it easy.

First let's make sure he's dead."

 

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes

back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

 

 

A blond man showed up at work one day with a black eye. When his co- workers saw him they asked him what had happened. He told them it had happened at church. They didn't believe him, and wanted to know what really happened.

 

So he told them, "I went to the church. I got on my knees and prayed. When I stood up to sing the hymns, there in front of me was the biggest woman I had ever seen. Her dress was stuck in her butt-crack, so being the gentleman I am, I reached over and pulled it out for her. She did not like that, so she hit me." The guys laughed and ribbed him about it all day.

 

The next week he showed up to work and his face was beat bad! Again the guys asked him what had happened and he told them he'd got beaten up at church. Again they didn't believe him, so he explained, "I went to the church. I got on my knees and prayed. When I stood up to sing the hymns, there in front of me was that same big woman with her dress again stuck up her butt-crack."

 

At this point the other men interrupted and said, "Please tell us you didn't pull her dress out of her crack again?"

 

"No, the guy standing beside me did, and I knew she didn't like that, so I shoved it back in."

 

 

An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he's feeling. The 80-year-old says, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you

think about that?" The doctor considers his question for a minute and says, "I have a friend who is an avid hunter and never misses a season. One day when he

was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella rather than his gun. When he got to the creek, he saw a prime beaver sitting beside the stream of water. He raised his umbrella and went; "Bang, bang," and the beaver fell over dead. What do you think of that?" The 80-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else shot that beaver." The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

 

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:

 

1. He called everyone "brother"

2. He liked Gospel

3. He couldn't get a fair trial.

 

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that

Jesus was Jewish :

 

1. He went INTO His Fathers business

2. He lived at home until he was 33.

3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his mother

was sure he was God.

 

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that

Jesus was Italian:

 

1. He talked with his hands.

2. He had wine with every meal.

3. He used olive oil.

 

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that

Jesus was a Californian:

 

1. He never cut his hair.

2. He walked around barefoot all the time.

3. He started a new religion.

 

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that

Jesus was Irish:

 

1. He never got married.

2. He was always telling stories.

3. He loved green pastures.

 

But the most compelling evidence of all, 3 proofs

that Jesus was a woman:

 

1. He had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice when

there was no food.

2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch

of men who just didn't get it.

3. Even when he was dead, He had to get up because

there was more work to do.

 

 

A Illinois man who left the snowballed streets of Chicago for a vacation

in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him

there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his

wife a quick e-mail.

 

Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail

address, he did his best to type it in FROM memory. Unfortunately, he

missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly

preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When

the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor,

let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead.

 

At the sound, her family rushed INTO the room and saw this note on the

screen:

 

Dearest Wife,

Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Your Loving Husband.

 

P.S. Sure is hot down here.

 

 

Mr. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church.

 

"Reverend," he said, "we have a problem. My wife keeps falling asleep

during your sermons. It's very embarrassing, not to mention

disrespectful. What should I do?"

 

"I've noticed this and have an idea if you're up to the task" said the

minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mrs.

Jones is sleeping and I will motion to you at specific times. When I

motion, you give her a good poke in the leg."

 

In church the following Sunday, Mrs. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the

preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice

for you?" he said, nodding at Mr. Jones.

 

"Jesus!" Mrs. Jones cried out as her husband jabbed her in the leg with

the sharp object.

 

"Yes! You are correct Mrs. Jones." came the minister's quick reply.

 

Soon Mrs. Jones nodded off again. And again the minister noticed. "Who

is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning toward Mr.

Jones.

"My God!" howled Mrs. Jones as she was stuck again with the pin.

 

"Right again!" bellowed the minister, a slight grin on his face.

 

Before long, Mrs. Jones again winked off. However, this time the

minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he

made a few hand gestures that Mr. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet

his wife with the hatpin again.

The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam before she bore him

his 99th son?"

 

As Mr. Jones enthusiastically poked his wife's thigh with the hatpin

piercing her skin she screamed,

"You stick that freaking thing in me one more time and I'll break it in

half and shove it up your butt!"

 

"AMEN!" replied all the women in the congregation.

 

thats all for now!!!!!!

[katrissi]

lol...i like the last one with the pin

[Wolfie]

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