seriously. i see mirrors and I feel sick inside. i hate me, why can't i be pretty, why do I have to sell myself to feel remotley happy. This is bizare, its not normal. I am not okay, really not. I cant feel genuenly happy any more... please save me.. i cannot tell anyone... no. none of that pish. its cold, i feel cold. my life is amazing and so are my friends, it is just me i do not like. I cannot grasp control. I cant find myself. What is this anyways? Why am I here? I know how to end it, but i couldn't do that to them. I do not know what I am capable of. I am scared. NOBODY knows. I'm happy to them.. im fine, normal. But im not okay. I long to be normal why does it have to be like this.. I wont resort to plastic-ism. I cant. i just end up looking MUCH worse with make-up on. Please let me scream, hear me. Help? I just cannot be bothered continuing, keep busy, ignore yourself, pretend its cool. just keep watching the faces, all the nice faces, all much nicer than me. Just watch them. I want to sleep. I dont want to wake up.